I've Made a Huge Mistake
I am sitting in a bed being circled by a mosquito. It is eyeing my flesh up and looking for an opportunity to strike. This same creature was probably feeding on me all night long as I slept. My skin is sun burnt and my body aches from running and doing chores around my new home. I want to also mention that this home is without screens, sheets, a front door, and a refrigerator. Living here is quite a shock from living in the rich suburbs of New Jersey. Where is here? Currently I am located on a tropical island off the coast of Puerto Rico. Some people call it Isla Neña, others call it Vieques, but I call it home. So far I have dealt with killer wasps, mutant mosquitoes, neglectful builders, and a spiteful ex-lover.
As soon as I arrived on the island my father’s good friend Gordie greeted me with a hug and kiss. After the lovely welcoming he lead me to the car he had been watching for my father which is also the car I get to drive while on the island. Mark, my good friend who is accompanying me on this adventure, told me that our arrival seemed very much like the beginning of Jurassic Park. The birds were flying in the background of the island’s luscious greenery, very cinema style. I dropped Gordie off at his house, and then embarked on the first quest of finding my father’s houses. I remembered they were tucked away on a back road just past the Vieques Humane Society (for the stray dogs and cats on the island). Mark and I head off to attempt to find our new home and fail miserably. We ended up going on a roller coaster ride or at least that’s what the roads remind me of. Some of the streets are extremely steep and narrow. Driving this island is like coasting through a maze, and that is how Mark and I spent our first hour. Needless to say after I almost drove off a cliff, we ended up back at Gordie’s house to ask him if he could show us where the houses were. He obliged and was so honestly helpful, I can never thank him enough. He raved about my father’s kindness, and told me and Mark that we could stay at his place the first night as we got our house straightened out (at least enough to actually live in).
We then proceeded to drop Gordie and all our belongings at his place and attempt to investigate our house further. However, our rumbling stomachs steered us in the opposite direction and we ended up in a small town situated on the beach, called Esperanza. This place is legendary for good food, good alcohol, and great memories. This is the same place where I first spotted Jeyson doing handstands on his skateboard and back flips off of trees. This is the place where my best friend and I went almost every night on our vacation here together. I’ve met people I’ll never forget and I always think of Esperanza with nostalgia and love. This nostalgia hit me pretty hard our first night and I proceeded to drink a container of rum, two painkillers, and even some gin. Jeyson greeted me with a poke in the stomach and the statement, “you eat too much!” Naturally, I deserved to get shitty my first night back on the island.
After meeting some people I don’t really remember, informing Jeyson “I eat too much,” and yelling to Mark that, “I really just like burger king milkshakes,” I drove us home and passed out in Gordie’s little bungalow, thankfully on the bottom bunk of his bunk bed. I woke up to the sounds of dogs barking and chickens squawking and I remembered the sounds of life that winter sometimes makes me forget. The sun was out and I had beads of sweat on my forehead. I hopped up from my bed and obviously hit my head on the top bunk, and then headed to the restroom to officially start my first day on the island with a clean slate and clean teeth.
We headed back to Esperanza to grab some breakfast and then go for a three mile run from Sun Bay Beach to Navio Beach. This run is an epic journey from start to finish. I run along the beach and then take a path up a very long hill which leads to another even rockier terrain. Eventually I turn around and head back, sprinting uphill and keeping my pace until the very end. After the run Mark and I swam in the ocean and admired the untouched beauty of the beach and ocean. Mark’s words said it all, “How do you ever go back to the Jersey Shore?”
My answer, “I don’t.”
Chapter 1: MAN VS WASPS
Day two of living the island life was an epic adventure of utterly destroying wasp colonies. It is actually not as epic as Mark and I originally thought it would be. In my mind I pictured a battle zone of wasps flying at us as we tried desperately to spray them with a poisonous insect killer. Not quite.
We were so startled at first when we saw the wasp nests. They are so easily overlooked because they hang above you and the wasps are surprisingly nonaggressive. They are aggressive if you hit their nest with a broom, which is exactly what Mark tried to do in order to knock it down. Needless to say he failed but all we wanted was to get into our house! Just above the gate, the enemies were looming and watching our every move. If we pulled the gate forward it would hit the nest and cause the wasps to attack. We then walked away from this battle, headed to the car and tried to create a new strategy.
This new strategy was two red spray cans which in a way reminded me of my very own weapon of mass destruction. Its results were not too far from genocide either. Mark and I faced our enemies well equipped and in more appropriate clothing as protection. We counted to three and anticipated attacks from all directions! However, this was far from what actually happened. As soon as the death sprays hit their nests, the wasps literally all just waivered for a few seconds, and then dropped dead. Many died valiantly right on their nests. Mark and I only had one worry now and that was accidently spraying ourselves with the spray because it was a windy day. I pictured something a bit more intense.
Nest after nest was knocked out by TAT, our new favorite poison. We then proceeded to enter our house and finally see what we were up against. The house was without hot water, a fridge, and even a door. There was a wooden board keeping the house closed off because someone destroyed our door when they stole our refrigerator. How nice. There was also a broken window in the laundry room and every bedroom was empty with an exception to mine, which had a bed and a set of drawers. The other house was in even worse shape. Mark and I think that because it’s yellow, more wasps decided to nest there. There was about fifteen to twenty nests and even some inside the house because the builders decided to keep the windows open. There were more mattresses, yet we discovered this house’s refrigerator had also been stolen.
